Why Do We Hurt The Ones We Love?

Why Do We Hurt
The Ones We Love?

It’s one of life’s odd little truths—we sometimes hurt the very people we love the most. Whether it’s a sharp word, a cold shoulder, or a heated argument that spirals too far, the question hangs heavy in the air afterward: Why did I do that?

On the surface, it doesn’t make much sense. These are the people we cherish, the ones we’d do anything for. But dig a little deeper, and you’ll find a few very human reasons this happens—and how healing and awareness can begin to shift it.

First, love brings vulnerability. When we let someone into our heart, we also hand them the power to affect us deeply. That closeness can stir up old wounds—those parts of us that didn’t get the love or acceptance we needed growing up. So when a partner or family member triggers that pain, even unintentionally, we might lash out. Not because they deserve it, but because something inside us feels threatened, raw, or unseen.

Also, there’s this strange thing we humans do—we tend to let our guard down at home. We hold it together all day for strangers and colleagues, but at home, the masks come off. Unfortunately, that can mean our stress, irritation, or unresolved pain leaks out in less-than-graceful ways. The people closest to us become the safe space for all our unfiltered emotions—and sometimes, they catch the fallout.

There’s also a concept in energy medicine that helps explain this: resonance. The people we love most often mirror aspects of ourselves—our light and our shadow. What we reject or struggle to heal in ourselves can be reflected back to us by our loved ones, and it’s not always pretty. That reflection can trigger us, not because they’re doing something wrong, but because they’re stirring up our unhealed bits.

But here’s the hopeful part: those same close relationships are also the richest ground for healing. When we catch ourselves in the act—when we recognize, Ah, I was hurting, and I let it spill out onto you—we get a chance to repair. To apologize. To open our hearts wider and see what’s really going on underneath the reaction.

Healing starts with awareness. It starts with taking responsibility for our own inner landscape and learning to meet our emotions with compassion before they erupt. And energetically speaking, when we hold our relationships as sacred, as containers for growth and connection, we naturally start treating each other with more care.

So yes, sometimes we hurt the ones we love—but we also have the power to love them even more fiercely because of it. To choose honesty over blame. Curiosity over defensiveness. And tenderness over pride.

At the end of the day, love isn’t about being perfect. It’s about being real—and learning, moment by moment, to grow together in the messiness of being human.

Try it and see!
Love & Light

 Roger

“You are coming from the point towards which you are going.”